2011

For the past couple of years, at the start of the year I have prayed about a word that I want the coming year to be marked by. I think the first year I did this was 2009 - the word that was pressed upon my heart that year, was JOY. I wanted 2009 to be marked by joy, and God taught me more about joy that year than I could have imagined - and in ways I NEVER expected. 2010 I chose "steadfastness." I was drawn to the verse "my heart is steadfast oh God, my heart is steadfast..." (ps. 57:7) I wanted 2010 to be marked by my steadfast heart - yet again, I was shown something different than expected. In reflecting on 2010, all I can say is that I learned more about God's steadfastness - and my lack thereof, reminding me once again that I cannot do this whole "life" thing on my own. I don't know why I so often think I can! Lauren Chandler wrote a blog recently and a line that stuck out to me, was when she said:

"There have been moments that I have gratefully sought shelter in the shadow of the Cross and moments that I have tried to climb up on that Cross and blasphemously become my own messiah."

That pretty much sums it up.

This year, the word that keeps coming to me, is REFRESH.

I think God wants this year to be a year of refreshment for me, and I think He wants me to learn how to be the kind of person with whom others find refreshment. I think God wants to refresh my mind, and heart - reminding me of who He is, and who I am in Him. I did a Bible word search on the word, and this verse stood out to me:

"Therefore, repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that he may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things about which God spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from ancient time" -Acts 3:19-21

What struck me about this verse is the reminder that refreshing comes from the PRESENCE OF THE LORD.

This is what I need to learn - what I must daily remind myself of. I so often seek refreshment from so many other sources - but they always come up short, and I never quite feel at peace when I am seeking after those other things.

I pray that this will be a year of being in the Lord's Presence - for that is where I will find true refreshment. I also pray that through receiving refreshment by being in the Presence of the Lord, I might learn to be a refreshment to others.

Thy will be done, Father.

2011: The year of Refreshment

p.s. in keeping with the theme of the year, if any of you would like to go out and partake in some sort of refreshment, let me know :) (see def. 1)

Little Drummer Boy

I have never been fond of this Christmas tune. I'm not quite sure why - I think it may be the constant "pa-rum-pum-pum-pums." Something about those never really resonated with me.

However, for some reason, I heard this song this Christmas Season, and started getting misty eyed! This is one of my husbands favorite Christmas songs, so when it came on the Josh Groban Christmas mix, we listened to it - and for the first time, I really LISTENED to the WORDS of this song - and my heart tuned in. Here are the lyrics (minus the "pa-rum-pum-pums"):

Come they told me - a newborn King to see!

Our finest gifts we bring, to lay before the King,

So to honor Him - when we come.

Little Baby - I am a poor boy too.

I have no gift to bring, that's fit to bring a King:

Shall I play for You on my drum?

Mary nodded, the ox and lamb kept time,

I played my drum for Him - I played my best for Him.

Then He smiled at me. Me and my drum.

These words are really hitting me this season. I keep having a picture in my mind of a young boy, wearing rags - dirty, standing on stage at church, with a spotlight on him - looking up to the Lord - playing his drum with all of his heart to worship the God he loves, even though he has nothing else to bring. It grips my heart every time I imagine this scene.

I'm still processing through what the Lord is trying to show me through this, but I think He's trying to speak something significant.

Sometimes I feel like I don't do a very good job of bringing good gifts to the altar of the Lord. I'm not good at giving over my "best" to the Lord. In my selfishness, I like to keep those things for myself. There is something so unique about worship through music - where it is so natural for me to give my best to the Lord. My prayer is that this ability to sing with all my heart to the Lord - giving my all - begins to seep into every aspect of my life, so that when my voice is gone, the worship continues.

It's not even so much about bringing our "best" to the Lord. It's about bring our "all" to the Lord - He wants us - completely - rags and all.

I am so thankful for His grace, and that He loves to accept our offerings of worship - even those offerings that are drenched in tears and dirt.

May we bring our all to Him this Christmas season.

Greed

I've never really thought of myself as greedy - until I heard a pastor use this definition of greed -

Greed: Wanting more of that which you already have enough.

Do I ever want more food?

Do I already have enough food?

Do I ever want more clothes?

Do I already have enough clothes?

Do I ever want more money?

Do I already have enough money?

Do I ever want a bigger house/nicer things/etc.?

Do I already have ENOUGH?

This is convicting to think about - especially in this season - which is ironic considering the true meaning of the Christmas season. My heart is sad as I'm anticipating Black Friday - working retail, I'm scared of what I will see - I think it will be sad. I am reminded though - that I am no better than those "greedy" shoppers.

Lord, sanctify me. Let me be satisfied with little - with enough.

Psalm 40

I really like thinking about the life of David.

He was aware of his sin.

He was aware of his need for God to save him.

He was able to rest in the hopeful certainty that God would save him.

I hope to be more like David - not because he was a "great Bible hero" but because he knew who he was, and who God is.

Mrs. Ryan

Since being married, I have been eating vanilla yogurt with bananas almost every day.

Since being married, I have only been to Starbucks once (it was a drizzly day....and a 2 pump pumpkin spice/2 pump white chocolate mocha was SCREAMING my name) :) (oh...this does not include our wedding day and honeymoon weekend, where my husband got me Starbucks both Saturday AND Sunday!)

Since being married, I am realizing more and more that every decision I make now effects another human being more than ever before - which is incredibly scary/convicting/encouraging/exciting all at the same time.

Since being married, I have been solely responsible for eating half of the top tier of our wedding cake :)

Since being married, I have been shown more clearly and wonderfully than ever before, the patience and tenderness of the Lord, through my incredible husband.

Since being married, I have learned I love watching NCIS.

Since being married, I have made my husband his lunch every day for work, which is probably more lunches than I ever made for myself all throughout my childhood - and I love it.

Since being married, I have learned that a toaster oven is a fine substitute for a toaster.

Since being married, I have realized that one huge display of God's grace toward me, is the fact that He gave me a husband who is financially smart - student loans: watch out - we're gonna kick your butt! :)

Since being married, I am still me, but I think I will slowly become a better me by learning what it means to become an "us".

Hopefully more to come soon on the most beautiful/sacred/glorious/joyful day of my life so far :)

♥♥♥

Lately...

Julie had a birthday, Andrew got a job, had my first Bridal shower, Found the most perfect apartment, Engagement Pictures tonight.....life is good. :)

Yet Will I Sing

Today I've been thinking about a lyric from one of my all time favorite songs - "Yet Will I Sing" by Audra Lynn. The line is:

"Though the light be hidden from me, yet will I walk - yet will I run after You"

I.LOVE.THIS.LINE.

What's crazy, is that 1 year ago (not quite to the day...but almost...) this lyric was what I put as my facebook status. It's so cool to realize that the reason those words resonated with me a year ago, are completely different reasons than why I have been mulling over them the past couple of days.

In this lyric, the "light", to me, represents God's will - God's plan for my life. The light represents the illumination of my future. What is AMAZING to me, is that those things that were hidden from me a year ago - those things that caused me so much confusion, desire, longing - those things that caused me to put every ounce of my trust in the Lord - those things that I was questioning --- have now been revealed to me. WOW! How cool is that??? I ran down the path toward God so.hard. BECAUSE the light was hidden from me - I desired to see that light so badly, that it compelled me to run hard after the Lord. And when I was lost in Him, He slowly began revealing to me His plans for me. The piece that had me questioning, is now in place in my life. What a gracious God.

Now, I am in a place where I have new unanswered questions. New concerns about my future (which is quickly becoming an "our" future...see above paragraph.... ;) ) I am in another stage of looking into the unknown. My prayer now, is that I can learn from the previous season I endured - learn to:

1.) TRUST in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. Trust Him to show me exactly what I need to know, exactly when I need to know it - that I can trust Him with my whole life. It sounds so dumb when I realize my own unbelief - Lord I believe!!! Help my unbelief.

2.) run HARD after God. Not in order to gain revelation about my future, but because that is why I am alive! That is what I am wired for. Worshipping the Lord all the days of my life - running hard after Him. May that be true of me.

Here's the song if anyone is curious :)

audra lynn - yet will i sing.mp3

Found at: FilesTube